High School Reunions

I was talking to my friend the other day and she said her husband received an invitation to his 20th high school reunion. My mind raced quickly, 'When was the last time I went to my reunion?' I realized that the only reunion I have attended was my 5 year. That's right. My class of 1986 was SO amazing it thought that a 5 year was a must. I was pregnant with Gage and feeling quite large and very sick. I wanted to make such a good impression. I was not a pretty girl in high school. I was pretty scary. Frizzy short hair, very skinny, thick glasses, and painfully shy. Don't get me wrong, I had people I socialized with. I had a couple of good friends and then there were the people that I felt kept me around as a mascot. I couldn't believe how much had changed in 5 years with so many of my classmates. Married, divorced and married again. People having moved out of the area and living in Boston or New York. But then again, there were many who were still in school, not much new in their lives. And those who hadn't really left high school at all. The food was great though!
I was tempted to post one of my pictures from school so you'd know I wasn't exaggerating, but my vanity won out. Not that I think I'm hot stuff now, but I do have better hair... and glasses.
I can't look at those pictures without feeling instantly transported back in time to a place I was not very comfortable in. Not in the school I attended and definately not the person I was back then. There is a part of me that is thankful that I have not been kept abreast of the reunion schedule. But then again, there is that very curious part of me that would love to know what is going on with some of those classmates of mine. I know you're thinking, 'That's what FaceBook is for!' But I don't want to go there. I like who I am now and I think I'm okay with looking ahead and not behind. At least, that is how I'm feeling tonight:) I have been known to be a little wishy-washy in the decision making department.
My friend was telling me her husband was feeling the very same way. He had made some decisions in his past that he was not too proud of and wanted people to see him now; to be able to see the changes he's made and how happy he is now. But with that also comes the chance that you'll run into people that may not see that and bring you down. I totally know how he feels.
So, do these feelings mean that I really haven't come to terms with my past? Why do I get so anxious at the prospect of seeing these people again? Could it be the stupid mistakes I've made or the lapses in judgement I've had? Why does it matter now??
I guess in the end it doesn't matter. I have an amazing husband, four great kids, a loving family and some pretty tight friends who love me no matter what. It really can't get any better than that!