When can I breathe?

A couple of months ago I discovered a lump in my breast. You could see it plainly. I didn't think much about at first because I figured it would go away; it was just related to my crazy cycle which is always off. Well, it started to get bigger so I shared the news with Bobby and he immediately told me to make an appointment for a check up. I hate to go to the doctors and I didn't want to look dumb if it turned out to be nothing and besides, Bobby found another lump on the other breast so we figured it was probably a lymph node or a milk duct that we never noticed before.

I went for my check up and the doctor looked concerned. She said I had several lumps and a few of them were 'impressive' in size. She left the room and came back and told me I needed to be seen right away. She was very concerned and didn't want to alarm me, but she said it was something she wanted done as soon as possible. It doesn't take much to get my mind racing. I am a nervous person by nature so it was difficult to keep calm. The doctor had the secretary making calls to get me in right away, but no luck. The doctor herself got on the phone as well. About 40 minutes later, they told me that because of the holiday weekend it was to difficult to get me in and that they were sorry but I was going to have to wait until Tuesday (it was Thursday July 1st), and if anything opened up before then they would call me.

It was an incredibly LONG weekend. I don't do well with not knowing and having to wait. There was no sense in alarming anyone else, so I waited.

Tuesday finally came and I went to Mercy to have my mammogram and ultrasound. They found about 50 cysts. Some were very large. The technician and doctor there were great. They told me they looked like cysts and unless they were bothering me they didn't have to do anything else. They would keep an eye on them for any changes and I was good to go. When my doctor received the news she was not happy. She wanted me to keep my appointment with a surgeon (the one I cancelled because all looked well),because a cyst could be cancerous. The only way to know for sure is to have them aspirated and then have the fluid checked. She said her concern was that there were a few that were so large and firm ( I guess most cysts have a grape-like texture.) So I had to call and reschedule. The first opening is on my birthday, Thursday.

She told me it was better to be safe and be checked than to wait on something that could be worse in the long run because nothing was done.

So now I am left to wait again. The odds are for me that there isn't anything wrong. I am thankful that my doctor is playing it safe, but that still leaves my mind to wander and wonder,

" What if?"

What if I'm the one who ends up being in that 5% bracket? It is funny to me that doctors tell their patients, "Oh, that is rare." or "The odds of that happening are small." Obviously it happens to someone. Someone out there is in that 5% bracket. What do they do when their patient is that one?

Again, I'm sure I'm fine. But I am praying for that 5% group that have to deal with the bad news... like my cousin Irma who was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer and has endured 9 months of chemotherapy and radiation treatments. She is an amazing person and I am thankful that the odds for her are looking positive. She is home now recovering and waiting...

Me? I'll be holding my breathe until Thursday...