13 March 2010

High School Reunions

I was talking to my friend the other day and she said her husband received an invitation to his 20th high school reunion. My mind raced quickly, 'When was the last time I went to my reunion?' I realized that the only reunion I have attended was my 5 year. That's right. My class of 1986 was SO amazing it thought that a 5 year was a must. I was pregnant with Gage and feeling quite large and very sick. I wanted to make such a good impression. I was not a pretty girl in high school. I was pretty scary. Frizzy short hair, very skinny, thick glasses, and painfully shy. Don't get me wrong, I had people I socialized with. I had a couple of good friends and then there were the people that I felt kept me around as a mascot. I couldn't believe how much had changed in 5 years with so many of my classmates. Married, divorced and married again. People having moved out of the area and living in Boston or New York. But then again, there were many who were still in school, not much new in their lives. And those who hadn't really left high school at all. The food was great though!
I was tempted to post one of my pictures from school so you'd know I wasn't exaggerating, but my vanity won out. Not that I think I'm hot stuff now, but I do have better hair... and glasses.
I can't look at those pictures without feeling instantly transported back in time to a place I was not very comfortable in. Not in the school I attended and definately not the person I was back then. There is a part of me that is thankful that I have not been kept abreast of the reunion schedule. But then again, there is that very curious part of me that would love to know what is going on with some of those classmates of mine. I know you're thinking, 'That's what FaceBook is for!' But I don't want to go there. I like who I am now and I think I'm okay with looking ahead and not behind. At least, that is how I'm feeling tonight:) I have been known to be a little wishy-washy in the decision making department.
My friend was telling me her husband was feeling the very same way. He had made some decisions in his past that he was not too proud of and wanted people to see him now; to be able to see the changes he's made and how happy he is now. But with that also comes the chance that you'll run into people that may not see that and bring you down. I totally know how he feels.
So, do these feelings mean that I really haven't come to terms with my past? Why do I get so anxious at the prospect of seeing these people again? Could it be the stupid mistakes I've made or the lapses in judgement I've had? Why does it matter now??
I guess in the end it doesn't matter. I have an amazing husband, four great kids, a loving family and some pretty tight friends who love me no matter what. It really can't get any better than that!

09 March 2010

30 Day Shred or 30 days of dread???

Last year sometime I noticed a few extra pounds that had somehow attached themselves to certain parts of my body. I noticed that going up and downstairs had somehow become a little harder. My pants and skirts were a little tight so I figured I needed to cut back on my Butterfinger addiction. At first it wasn't a big deal. Now, I've never really been one to workout. I had a brief time where I had lost my mind and decided to get in shape after I had had Mercedes. Putting on 45 pounds during that pregnancy was very sobering. Once the weight was off, I was done.
I've never had any real issue with my weight. I was blessed with a metabolism that allowed me to order two full dinners at restaurants, no doggie bag needed, and eat it all in one sitting. Yes, that did include an appetizer and most times a dessert. What can I say? I took full advantage of it. My friends used to ask me if I had a thyroid problem or if I had a tapeworm and if so, where could they get one. None of the above. I just had a Ferrari for a metabolism and I must say, I enjoyed it very much.
On New Year's Day, along with 8 million other Americans, I decided to set some goals. Along with 5 million others, I decided that losing 10 pounds would be a good idea. Those skirts and pants that were tight before were no longer fitting me at all. What??? I could pull them up to my thighs, but that was it. Yikes! I felt some panic. How does this happen? How do you wake up one morning and find that all your clothes shrank?
I decided I was going to take it slow. I don't like to sweat and I'm not an athletic person so I figured that I would take it easy. Work out slow. Well, after 3 weeks of 'taking it easy', I hadn't lost an ounce.
A friend of mine thought it would be fun to try Jillian Michaels', '30 Day shred'. Three levels, go at your own pace, and a friend to workout with sounded like it wouldn't be too bad.
Remember how I said I don't like to sweat? Well, this video is all about sweating. It is no joke, hard core, old school, Rocky-style, working out. At first, I thought that I would just plug along. Then I read the video cover that said "Lose up to 20 pounds!" Hello!!!! I would just have to work out two weeks and I'd be all set. I know, I'm funny huh? After the first workout, I weighed myself because I figured that the weight was just going to melt off. I expected results fast. Come on, I just spent 2o minutes killing myself. It should be that easy. Well, guess what? It wasn't. I worked out for two consecutive weeks and nothing. Not an ounce! Now I start to get scared. Am I just going to keep gaining? What is going on? I kept at it, but oh my was it hard! There were times I wanted to cry. Really! I was thankful to have someone accountable to or I would have just watched the videos and eaten my Butterfingers.
I'm not a very patient person. I expect things fast. Especially when I'm busting my hump.
I decided that I was going to continue to work out every day, no matter what. Even if it meant death, at least my husband would find something in my closet to bury me in and have it fit!
I'm happy to say, I lost 6 pounds on the 30 day shred and I earned every bit of good feeling I have for it. You really have to work that much harder when you don't have as much weight to lose, as say, 50 pounds. When your really overweight, it comes off faster in the beginning.
I have now graduated to Jillian Michaels' No more trouble zones. I still have about 3 pounds to go and then I'd like to do some sculpting. Of my muscles, of course.
I want to have a body to die for. And at the rate I'm going, I just might kill myself:) Jillian Michaels does not mess around. I think she gets a kick out of torturing people. I've never seen her show on t.v., but having used her videos, I can imagine how hard she must work those contestants. I feel bad for them. Then again, she does deliver. Wish me luck on getting in shape. In the meantime, I have a date with my video!