14 April 2011

Another kind of countdown begins...

Saying goodbye is never an easy thing, but you never said you'd stay forever...
Taylor Dane's 'Love will lead you back'

I must say this was hard. Since returning, I've felt out of sorts. I understand that this mission is important. I understand Gage is doing what God wants and he will be blessed for it. I have no doubt. At the end, he couldn't wait to get to the MTC.
What is hard is having him so far; knowing I can't jump in my car and be there for him; not being able to talk to him when I want or to hear about his day; not to be able to hold him and have him kiss my check or have him tell me thank you a dozen times a day for so many little things he acknowledges I do for him.
I miss my baby boy...I miss the young man he's become... I'll miss him fiercely everyday... I love you Gage and will pray for you every minute of the day. I trust God will be there for you and with you and am envious of that. Is that a sin? To envy God?
I don't know, but I do know that He loved me enough to send this incredible boy in my life and I know He trusted me enough to raise him and prepare him for this moment of service; to return Gage back to Him. Our children are never really ours and this was the wake up call to that fact.
Thank you Heavenly Father for loving me so perfect enough to trust me and forgive me for being so imperfect...
We've spent months counting down for Gage to leave to the MTC and since this morning I've started counting down for his return. As Miriam reminded me, 'It's only 4 General Conferences until he returns.'